Saturday, January 24, 2009

I am a wimp

I am trying my best to have a backbone when it comes to this whole crying it out process. But we have several large strikes against us. First, as the title suggests, I am a complete wimp when it comes to listening to Isa cry. Second, she is a toddler not an infant. Finally, she is very opinionated and stubborn.

Yesterday she refused to go down for her nap and since I was exhausted, I just put her in bed with me and we took a nap together. When it came time for bedtime, she did the same thing. I knew she was tired but as soon as I put her in the crib, she reached her arms up and started crying.

Instead of slowly petering out like last time, she just continued to cry. I thought that perhaps her molars were hurting. So, after over an hour of fairly consistent (more on than off) crying, I went in with some medicine. I didn't take her out of the crib, but held her face until she calmed down. Eventually she started to drift off and I figured I needed to leave again. More wailing....

Another 45 minutes or so of crying and she eventually fell asleep. Only to wake up half an hour later sobbing. I cracked. I went in and rocked her- she fell asleep very quickly in my arms. But, of course, when I eventually put her down in her crib I was greeted with another round of sobbing.

I finally had to just call my mom (I was, no suprise, also crying by this time) for some reassurance that I was doing the right thing and that I did, indeed, have the guts to stick this out. She made the smart suggestion of putting on earphones to drown out the crying. My house is the size of a postage stamp, so there is just no escaping the sound.

So, finally, 3 hours after going to bed, she went to sleep for good. Just to rub salt in my wound, she woke up again at 2:30 so I could do another round of listening to her cry. This time after I tucked her back in she sobbed "night-night" over and over and over again. At least she ended up sleeping until 7 this morning.

She did the same thing at nap time today but I just planted myself on the couch for my own nap. Tonight's ordeal was about an hour, much less intense than last night thankfully. She just squawked a couple times loudly (about 3 hours after falling asleep) but has apparently put herself back to sleep. So maybe this whole CIO thing actually does work.

I am exhausted. Emotionally and physically worn out by this whole thing. But I think it has to be done. I haven't spent a night away from her yet and one big reason is that she's not sleeping through the night. It would be really wonderful to have a night off in the future. (More importantly a morning off!)

*sigh* As my mom said last night, 95% of parenting is a joy but that other 5% is tough!


WMW said...

You're not a wimp, you're a mom! It's okay to have a heart. :) But you can do this. Remember and repeat: "This too shall pass." Each individual round of crying and this time where she does it every bedtime.

She is still soooo gorgeous!

Kerri said...

Hugs! Sleep troubles are so hard to cope with...

Heather said...

You are not a whimp. We tried once with Solome and I ended up crying harder than she did. I never could let Zoe CIO. Solome still sleeps in our bed and we actually took apart our beautiful Pottery Barn sleigh bed to sleep on the mattress on the floor to keep Solome from plunging to her death. Yes, she runs the roost. Do what you can, when you can. The most important thing is that you both find sleep one way or another. Follow your heart and not just what books say. You know best!

Anonymous said...

Awwww...poor mommy, and poor Isa. I hope things "turn the corner" for you quickly!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Katie - I'm so sorry!

Just remind yourself, if you can, of the price you'll pay for cracking: you'll be exhausting yourself, and depriving Isa of the opportunity to learn how to sooth herself - a skill she really does need... much easier said than done of course. And, I have no objection to families sleeping together - just knew it wouldn't work for me.

I actually had my mom come over and sit with me to keep me from going in to get Elsa when I first started letting her cry it out. Helpful to get moral support. So, CALL ME!! Seriously - any time of day or night.

And, believe me, it won't last long and then you'll me so happy you did it! Especially as a single mama, you need to help her become independent (and give yourself a bit more time to get stuff done, too)

hang in there sister - I'm thinking of you.

Jesi and Joe said...

YOU CAN DO IT! I know this is tough, but she will be so much better off for it! Being able to get herself and keep herself asleep is a great thing for her. CIO is NOT a walk in the park, but crank up the music in your headphones and try to tune it out. She'll get through this!

Hang in there! Big cyber hugs!

Scott and Allison said...

One of my friends is doing something similar, but she is going in every two, then five, then eight, then ten, etc. minutes to verbally soothe (NO TOUCHING) her son. It's called the Ferber method (?). She said he still cried, but he calmed down more....of course, we're not there yet, as night time crying means hungry still, but thought I'd pass it along anyway. And it will get better!!!!!!!