Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Pack Rat

Last week I did the seasonal cull of Isa's clothes. Now I have yet another large plastic storage box full of outgrown clothes to put in the basement. There is very little space in the basement, yet virtually every item got packed up rather than bagged to be given away. As I packed it up, I remembered when she wore all the various items and it made me a little sad.

You see, I'm keeping all these clothes because deep in my heart I'm hoping that Isa won't be my one and only. I want another little girl to wear those dresses someday. I want to get to do this wonderful Mommy-thing again and I want Isa to experience the joy of sisterhood.

But the reality is that I'm single and not in a career that pays a lot. I live in Seattle, which has a high cost of living and my mortgage payment eats away at least half of the income I bring in each month. Add in all the other bills and I'm lucky if I have anything left over. I am actually pretty far in the hole after being down one contract for several months last fall. I certainly can't work 70 hour weeks the way I did pre-Isa in order to speed up the debt repayment and grow my savings.

We also don't have the space for another family member. We live in a teeny 1000 sq ft house with 2 small bedrooms. Sometimes I feel we are literally busting at the seams in here. There's no way that two children could share the room Isa is currently in. And having the money to either buy another house or- ideally, since I LOVE my neighborhood- add onto this house may never happen (see the previous paragraph).

Honestly, another adoption is not something that I plan to pursue in next several years, even if there were no material obstacles in my way. And life could take a million different turns in the coming years opening up all sorts of new doors. I guess I'm just a little sad when I think that everytime Isa does something for the first time, it may the only one of those "firsts" that I get to experience.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue my pack rat ways because you just never know. Those dresses may come in handy some day.......

14 comments:

one happy family said...

I love your packrat ways,never give up hope Mama, never...

Robbin said...

You will have another daughter. Right now you can't imagine how that will happen but it will. Yes kids are expensive, but they don't need what we think they need. Perhaps you may consider fostering a child, perhaps not right now, but when Isa is ready to share mommy's love. Foster to adopt will give you the opportunity to share many first and in where I live there is a stipend to help offset some of the cost. It has the downfalls of course of the children leaving your home but the perfect child for your family and companion for Isa will soon find a place!

Just a thought, I can hear the sadness in your post. I am still waiting on my referral but the thought of not growing my family makes me sad to. I will make a way and I know you will too!

Robbin

habeshachild said...

I feel the same way - really want a sibling for Elsa, but no way could I do it in the near future. I'm with you on this one. Except for the packrat part. If kid #2 happens, it won't be for a while. And that kid may not be a baby girl. Keeping all the baby stuff feels weird to me for some reason - plus I am lucky to have several folks around here who can use the gear. So off it goes...

Jocelyn said...

I think you should move here...we could share my house...work from home together and both adopt again!! I'm just saying...it could work:-)

sophiaoreilly said...

You transcribed my own thoughts perfectly! I believe that I'll have another child at some point, although how and when remain unknown! Nice to know there are others out there trying to answer similar questions!

Orange Girl said...

Jocelyn, I'm not sure that the world is ready for Pacey and Isa living under one roof!!! Can you imagine?!? :) (Okay, I can and it's actually pretty funny in my head.)

one happy family said...

Hey! If your moving anywhere it's here to Gig Harbor to live with Isa's first love SOLOMON!!!

hehehehe

Beth said...

I know the feeling. I get a little sad everytime I pack up and give away clothes.

Heather said...

I kept all of Zoe's baby stuff. It took five years for Solome to come into our lives, but I had all the stuff packed away. Zoe loves seeing her little sister in outfits that she wore. I even have photos of the girls wearing the same outfit at the same age. Even if it takes a while for Isa to get a sister, you will be glad you have saved stuff. Now I am starting to save stuff so when i am a grandma my girls will have some of their outfits. Considering Zoe is only 6 and people in my family don't have babies young, you can see I too fall into the pack rat category. My husband thinks I am seriously crazy!

Kerri said...

Okay - I went into adoption#1 knowing without a doubt that adoption #2 would follow. It did come much sooner than I expected though. You will find a way. Like Robin said, they don't need as much as we think they do. Look at all your options - older kids, foster, etc. Isa's sibling is out there if you think so. It's just a matter of finding her.

Queen Diva said...

I feel the same way about my daughter. I want her to experience another sibling but like you, I can't afford. I could not even imagine paying child care for two children.

Andrea

shauna said...

Well... I understand all of that. I, too live in Seattle and am in the process of adopting a baby girl from ET... I just sold my condo to find something larger than 635sq ft. -- 1000sq ft. sounds huge! ha. Anyway, I just stumbled onto your blog... I've enjoyed reading it. Your daughter is gorgeous....

Scott and Allison said...

You know, I just love the fact that you used the word "cull." :D

Kelly said...

I love this post. It makes me wonder if I will feel this same way someday. - Kelly