Last week I did the seasonal cull of Isa's clothes. Now I have yet another large plastic storage box full of outgrown clothes to put in the basement. There is very little space in the basement, yet virtually every item got packed up rather than bagged to be given away. As I packed it up, I remembered when she wore all the various items and it made me a little sad.
You see, I'm keeping all these clothes because deep in my heart I'm hoping that Isa won't be my one and only. I want another little girl to wear those dresses someday. I want to get to do this wonderful Mommy-thing again and I want Isa to experience the joy of sisterhood.
But the reality is that I'm single and not in a career that pays a lot. I live in Seattle, which has a high cost of living and my mortgage payment eats away at least half of the income I bring in each month. Add in all the other bills and I'm lucky if I have anything left over. I am actually pretty far in the hole after being down one contract for several months last fall. I certainly can't work 70 hour weeks the way I did pre-Isa in order to speed up the debt repayment and grow my savings.
We also don't have the space for another family member. We live in a teeny 1000 sq ft house with 2 small bedrooms. Sometimes I feel we are literally busting at the seams in here. There's no way that two children could share the room Isa is currently in. And having the money to either buy another house or- ideally, since I LOVE my neighborhood- add onto this house may never happen (see the previous paragraph).
Honestly, another adoption is not something that I plan to pursue in next several years, even if there were no material obstacles in my way. And life could take a million different turns in the coming years opening up all sorts of new doors. I guess I'm just a little sad when I think that everytime Isa does something for the first time, it may the only one of those "firsts" that I get to experience.
In the meantime, I'm going to continue my pack rat ways because you just never know. Those dresses may come in handy some day.......